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How the Brain Helps or Ruins your Love Life

by Dr. Adina McGarr | Feb 12, 2015 | Videos

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@DrAdinaMcGarr

When was the last time you felt frustrated or disa When was the last time you felt frustrated or disappointed? Chances are these feelings resulted from an unmet expectation that you might not have even known you had. ⁣ ⁣ They are an inescapable fact of the human mind, as it automatically tries to predict the order of things, exciting us and motivating us forward. ⁣ ⁣ So, when we left sunny Santa Barbara for the mountain air of Lake Tahoe, it was safe to say that my expectation for our family vacation did not include smoky air and apocalyptic skies!⁣ ⁣ Naturally, disappointment and irritation crept in, normal to feel, but not helpful to fuel with thoughts and feelings of how it was “supposed” to be.⁣ ⁣ It was helpful to remind myself of the importance of the need to adapt and pivot in life AND that if that was my expectation, perhaps less distress would occur.⁣ ⁣ I encourage you to try on 𝘢𝘥𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 as the new expectation. ⁣ ⁣
I used to water ski when I was younger, but haven’t done it for for at least 20 years!⁣ ⁣ As we head to the lake, the thought of trying a sport, I was never great at to begin with, fills me self-consciousness and images of failure.⁣ ⁣ Somewhere along the line, we lose sight of fun and/or doing what’s important to us and concern ourselves more with protecting our ego.⁣ ⁣ Remember that we tried over 300 times to learn to walk and each “failure” was a redirection to our success.⁣ ⁣ As Pema Chodron says Fail, Fail Again, Fail Better”
Are you someone who frequently puts others' needs Are you someone who frequently puts others' needs before your own? For many, it can be hard and unnatural to put yourself first.⁣ ⁣ But self-esteem and peace within don’t come from “people pleasing” or always avoiding confrontation.⁣ ⁣ It's cultivated by doing things you feel good about and that includes taking care of your own emotional well-being.⁣ ⁣ The question of “who am I reacting to..” can be powerful, especially when we are at the crossroads of a decision⁣
Are you someone who takes things in stride? It’ Are you someone who takes things in stride? It’s something I typically have to practice and today I’m practicing. ⁣ ⁣ In my mad dash to deliver kids to their respective camps, my shoe broke and I didn't have time to go home and change before needing to be at the office.⁣ ⁣ The bright side, I sit for my job 😊. Though, I have been entertaining walking with some clients, given that self-directed movement can assist in anxiety reduction. ⁣ ⁣ Don’t underestimate the power of walking, especially outside!⁣
Have you ever wondered, “why did I just eat that Have you ever wondered, “why did I just eat that? I wasn’t even hungry.”⁣ ⁣ Chances are, your dopamine was the culprit. Dopamine has long been regarded as the “pleasure” molecule, but it's actually far more the molecule of motivation and desire.⁣ ⁣ Whether you’re hungry or not, seeing something attractive triggers the release of dopamine, so that we will move towards, consume, and survive. ⁣ ⁣ This circuit was helpful when food was scarce, intrinsically motivating us to stock up when available, but now often contributes to compulsive or mindless overeating.⁣ ⁣ Simply asking yourself if it’s “you” or “your dopamine” that's calling the shots can slow you down and help you make choices that are more in alignment with your values.⁣
Have you ever struggled with depression or anxiety Have you ever struggled with depression or anxiety?⁣ ⁣ Going through a hard time is difficult enough, but what adds insult to injury is that there is often a feeling of permanence about it.⁣ ⁣ There isn’t, feelings are real, but they lie. Read that again.⁣

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Licensed Clinical Psychologist #22253
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